The American Overclocked Otaku

Y’know, I’m feeling just a little silly. I guess it’s because I’ve been so busy and hectic that I’ve neglected my poor blog; I dunno…But with my return to ITS classes, one would expect me to start the posts back up all over again, and so here I am. ;p And yes, I did so very much better in my quizzes than I thought I would.

First of all, Outback Steakhouse rocks my socks. No, I mean…I enjoy food and all. I’m not a glutton about it (I at least try not to be. ;-; ), but I know how to savor well-made food. And Outback has some fscking well-made food. ^^; Being that I wasn’t paying for the food, and the money was going to be topped off from my parents’ tax return, we ate some of the best food I’ve had in a long, long time and felt full until long after the next day. I’m not getting paid by them, so I’m not about to go into heavy descriptions about “Juicy, bonzer 21 oz. steaks” and “Savory bloomin’ onion”. Nope; I won’t even go into the “Best batch of cheese fries ever fscking made.” The most I’ll tell you is one juicy tidbit:

…They have free refills and very, very attractive women. =3 Well, on the day I went, anyways.

I saw the movie “The Brother’s Grimm” last night, and however much I liked the thing, I couldn’t help but feel a bit irked at the end. I mean…Seriously, what would YOU do if the woman you gave a kiss of true love to made out with another guy?

Crazy Dude: “Tom! You must kiss her to break the spell!”
Tom: “o.o Uh…^^; Alright! With or without tongue?”
Crazy Dude: “But wait! It MUST be a kiss of true love!”
Tom: “o.O;; ..’Kay…And why is that, again?”
Crazy Dude: “If it is not a kiss of true love…It will be a kiss of death…“
Tom: “x.X Why the fsck wasn’t this put in the job description!?”
Crazy Dude: “Hurry, before it’s too late!”
Tom: “::Sighs:: Okay, okay. Pucker up, lover-girl! ^o^ ::Kiss-kiss::”
Crazy Dude: “…”
Tom: “…”
Crazy Dude: “…”
Tom: “…Did I kill her?”
Maiden: “::Gasps, once more alive::”
Crazy Dude: “Woot! She’s alive!”
Tom: “Woot! That was hot! ^^!”
Brother: “Woot! I’m next! …Er, I mean, ::Ded::”
Tom: ”..Since when did I have a brother?”
Brother: “Beans, Tom. Magic beans. (..Stick with the fscking script, Tom.)”
Crazy Dude: “He requires a kiss of true love, too!”
Tom: “…Okay..?”
Crazy Dude: “…o.o”
Tom: “o.o…Not…Me. Unless you’re a homosexual n’ all, he stays dead…Y’see, I already have my true love, and-”
Maiden and Brother: “Mmph! Mmm…::Making out::”
Tom: “…>.<!! WTF!? “

..Yeah, that’s the story of my life. u.u;

On a side-note, My Ogame (www.Ogame.org) play has taken a turn for the worse. You see, until you make 5,000 points or more, you’re considered under “Noob Protection”. That means you’re under a system that keeps other uberly-strong people from reaming you, and it keeps you from uberly-reaming uberly-weak people (Uber! x.x). It was…Cozy. I had a pretty happenin’ fleet, hoarding the big silly gooses who would dare leave enough resources out in the open. But after 5,000 points, there is a very sudden and desperate change that turns the game from a leisurely pace to what I call my bi-daily period of playing Dodgedick.

Simply put, your ass is fair game.

Yeah, when one thinks of dodgedick, one things of dodging a grab at one’s more sensitive parts. In my case, though, it’s turned into a constant, irritating, desperate method to avoid A.) Losing my resources through a raid, and B.) Having my fleet obliterated through a number of ships vastly superior to your own, and then the debris left behind mined. For quite some time I had played Ogame Dodgedick like a gifted master, swiftly shutting down factories and sending fleets away with resources the moment the sight of enemy fleets appeared and continuing production the moment their fruitless efforts had ended from that point.

…I come to you, a broken and defeated man. Right in-between my general dodgedicking schedule, someone raids me. And when I say “Raids”, I mean sending 140 Battleships while my fleet was still on the planet and blowing my ass out of the water. And then coming back to find all 300k debris has been mined, and I have no moon to show for it (It was only a 3% chance, anyways…>.<). So here I am, with a vastly devastated fleet (I have others on my other planets, though. ^^; ) Eh…I’ll rant more, later…Time to go home and cry. ;-;

Yes, it’s true; I’ve just gone through the hell that is an Accounting quiz. Under normal circumstances, I’d be on my merry way home, but knowing my mom she’s talking away to Grandma and my fleets in Ogame are going to slam the living fsck out of some poor, poor man (Or woman)…I guess it’s the sort of thing my mom hopes for me to do, y’know? Call for hours on end, talking over whatever…I guess I will, someday; but geez, every night of the week for that long? Heck, I’d wear her out! x.x

And so, I’m at the College of Southern Maryland, typing away, anticipating the battle report and checking out the Penis Sloganizer every once in a while. I guess it’s the funniest thing in the world after the first ten slogans or so, but it’s sorta wearing me down to a brief chuckle now. Eh, I guess the incredibly awesome life of Ninshan isn’t public, yet. ;p Although a kinda-crazy ex-girlfriend of mine offered to toss it up for public display on her (relatively) new webcomic with no real plot involved. It’s sorta weird, but it gets a laugh out of me every once in a while. x.x I’ll toss up the link when I get home, maybe.

Eh…As for my life, it’s dragging along at a snail’s pace. No anime, no new games, no paycheck…Yeah, I’m griping; but I sorta do that around this season, y’know? ^^; Give me a few months and I’ll be talking about being a roasted lobster eaten alive. I don’t tan, somuch as I burn…And burning kinda sucks, if this hasn’t yet been figured out. x.n; But at least my birthday is that much closer.

…>.< What sucks is that my parents consider me a child until I’m able to go out into the world, afford all the bills, and survive on my own. Which means I’m a kid until…What, 22? There is some flaws in that logic, lemmie tell ya…;-;

…Yup; my fleets just slammed the living fsck out of some poor, poor man (And that sounds so wrong. >.<). And off to home I go. x.x I’ll try to post more interesting things, later.

For the record, Mother Nature is confusing; one week it’s freezing and snowing, the next it’s springlike. Now, don’t get me wrong; I particularly enjoy Spring (With Autumn running a close second..). Although I don’t mind the heat and I love to swim, summer means bugs; I’d hate to sound like a wuss, but mosquitos, bees/wasps/hornets and biting insects can kiss my white, undertanned ass. >.< I don’t really mind spiders, and a lot of insects are kind of cool to watch, y’know? Preying Mantis’ roxxor. ^.^ And winter…Well, I love how I get days off for snow, but I kinda get depressed. x.X I guess it’s the total absence of life, or something like that. The whole…Trees being barren and all. x.x Okay, so I sound retarded when I say this, but I can only deal with a snowless winter so much before I turn EMO. ;-; And that, friends, is not a pretty sight.

So that leaves Spring and Autumn; not too hot, not too cold, not so many bugs, and more than just a little refreshing. n.n So yes, I’m in higher spirits ‘cuz of the change in the weather, sue me.

Oh…By the way, my parents are refinancing our home. Granted, this means they’ll be paying mortgage for the next decade or two, but it also means they’ll have the money to finish the basement (Into a theater-esque entertainment area with a wrap-around couch and big screen TV, I might add. x.x Yeah, I ain’t complainin’.), pay off credit card debt and to invest in with whatever extra we’ll have. Doing so meant that taxes had to be done; both my parents’ and mine. Now…Normally, I’d be forced to learn how to do this engima of “Taxes”, but apparantly I have a really, really cool uncle who’d do it for free. x.x Which means that eventually I’m going to have to learn how to do them on my own…But not this year.

Now…I found out that the government took away a bit too much from me; about $500, to be exact. Now…Being that this is an entire paycheck for me, one could imagine how spiffy I felt. Of course, it’s getting blown on new tires for my truck (which is the last thing I’ll have to put on it for a WHILE, I hope…). x.x So…Yeah; life goes on, money comes in, money rolls out on on things I’d rather not spend my actual paycheck on, my parents and I argue a lot…Yeah, things sorta pan out in the end.

http://s1.bitefight.org/c.php?uid=7839 Lemmie nibble a bit, baby. Me love you long time. ^.^;;

Yeah…I slept a grand total of twelve hours this morning; from 4:00 AM to 4:00 PM. And, of course, I had two hours before I would leave to go to school. If those of you who are guessing “Playing Halo 2?”…Yeah. x.X Crashing is fun.

I had a grand total of $20 burning a hole in my pocket, so I went to Best Buy, bought thye first volume of Akira (Insert Last Name Here; hey, I’m going to class in 5 minutes…Don’t rush the memory!)’s Samurai, and brought the case home. I unwrapped it with glee, and lo and behold…There was no disc. I mean, there was a security thing on it, the wrapping was intact, but there was no disk. >.< Yeah; one of the incredible WTF moments of my life. So…Here I expected them to not give me a refund, or replace it; what kind of fool do I take them for, saying that “I mysteriously opened up the DVD holder and there was no disk! Gimmie a refund, or something!”.

Well, whadda ya know; they told me to bring the receipt back with the box and I’d exchange it for a disk that was still in its box. So I drove all the way back (I live 20 miles away from this place, so you can imagine how irked I was over the gas expenditure), only to find out that they didn’t have any more copies of the disk in stock…So I’d have to get a refund, instead.

My mom wasn’t home when I got back from school. When she got back, I found out that she got Tim Burton’s “The Corpse Bride”…Which is cool, I guess. So I unwrapped the plastic outside, took off the damned annoying sticky plastic that covers the top and occasionally the bottom and sides…And I opened the case to find that this box, too, was empty. >.< Y’know, it wouldn’t be so funny if I made this up…And honestly, my imagination doesn’t extend that far.

The moral of the story? Check the fscking cases before you drive away in your vehicle. the experience taught me one thing, anyways…I think I found a way to go shopping for my friends, now…^_^ ::Adjusts his halo::

Hm…What to say, in four minutes? I’m exhausted and dehydrated, and I feel like going to Accounting like I feel like shooting myself in the foot. But…With that being said, I kinda -have- to go…Considering the damned class only has 4 quizzes that account for a grade, and today’s the review. ;-; I’ll give a synopsis of the teachers, the classes, and why I question the College of Southern Maryland’s school system later. It’s not that they’re bad people, just…They could be a little more normal, y’know? I mean…A lot of them are ‘normal’, but they have their quirks…x.x

7:00 PM…Fifteen minutes until class begins. Wish me luck! ^_^;;

Well, there’s good news and bad news: the bad news is that the brakes, the rotors and a few other parts pertaining to the brakes needed to be fixed today for a grand total of a $500 that I don’t have, paired with the fact that another $50 needs to be spent to fix another part of the truck. To top it all off, I can only afford one of my books.

The good news is that my truck’s new brakes feel wonderful. x.x It’s a pain, but at least I don’t have to worry about my brakes failing and my somehow being hurled into oncoming traffic, or something like that.

Eh…At this point in time, I’d be bringing up some positives. Y’know…Like how I rocked the FNM Tournament like it was nobody’s business, or that I watched a really good anime that touched me or made me want to watch it again and again, or a video game that I just couldn’t tear away from because the graphics and the storyline just sucked me in. Hell, just about anything to keep this blog from falling into the abyss of an EMO’s sobstory. >.< Y’know, if my posts aren’t upbeat and super-dee-duper, it’s not from a lack of trying. I’m really not suffering from depression, ‘cuz if this is depression…I’d be scared to go through anything that isn’t so typical. o.o

-Warning; Magic: the Gathering Geekrant, starting here!-
But the Magic tournament didn’t go so hot for me; two Ravnica boosters, and one Guildpact…And this makes things a little difficult for someone who prefers one, at most two colors to choose from. I chose green, red and a splash of white/black. As any mountain-blooded Magic player would know, this is an act of desperation in most drafts and, as such, I sucked horribly. But that isn’t what irks me; what drives me friggin’ nuts is that my little sister makes a broken green/red deck. I mean…This is her second draft, and she’s making decks that -should- have her winning in her pod, hands-down! It’s like…GAH! >.< She keeps making simple mistakes! Like the element of surprise involving an instant spell, or the terminology, or how certain cards are supposed to work, and how much more effective they’d be on some than on others. >.< And it seems no matter how much I try to point out otherwise, it just hasn’t sunken in, yet. ::Sighs:: Maybe in a few more months…
-Magic: the Gathering Geekrant over! Moving along…-

As for anime, there really isn’t much to tell; with my constant debt-mongering it’s sort of hard to get ahold of some decent anime. But with that being said, I did order Genshiken Volume 2…And I did re-watch the Exorism of Emily Rose, this morning. x.x Y’know…A few parts sorta creeped me out, if only for several moments, but I’ve heard of some really religious people not even watching the movie. I seriously have an acquaintance who balked at my suggestion of sitting at my place and watching it, sometime; as if it were the most terrifying movie anyone could ever watch.

…Okay…Y’know, I’m an open and caring person when it comes to a person’s faith. Being an agnostic, and one that enjoys having a theological debate with another intelligent person (Note how I said “Debate”, and not “Argument”), I can understand that some methods of faith require things that I might think are odd, and WTF-ish. Hindus not eating beef, the kosher foods of Judaism, and I know there’s one out there that sees pork as unclean; if memory serves correctly, it would be Islamic…But if I’m wrong, please correct me in a -nice- manner! x.x But with that being said, I can’t help but marvel at the sheer…I dunno, the sudden fear of this acquaintance of mine over just a movie. Normally, I’d say it was irrational…But for those who seriously believe in God and angels also seriously believe in Lucifer and demons; and although I certainly criticize the living hell (No pun intended…x.x) the existance of all four categories, that doesn’t mean I don’t understand why they won’t watch the movie. I understand that plenty of Christians are able to watch this without a problem, and I’m not making them out to be paranoid fanatics (Just stemming the wave of potential hatemail from the christian community, here…x.x)…But think about it: if I seriously believed in demonic possession, and that Lucifer and his fallen angels are trying to drive men and women into sin and hellfire…Then yeah, I’d be friggin’ terrified if I had seen a movie of what I would believe it happening firsthand. But thankfully, being not only an agnostic but a damned-cynical one rids me of the fears of many religious taboos. n.n I’m a dirty, filthy little boy, yes I am! <.< …But…In a big manner, not a small one, if’n ya know what I mean…

>.<;; The fact that the Exorcism of Emily Rose states that it’s ”Based on a True Story” doesn’t really help, either. I’ll be damned if they aren’t trying to scare a few potential converts out there.

http://ninshan.swellserver.com/news/top_stories/fountain.php

Yeah, they put me through a few tests, and…Well, just look at the link above for the newspaper article. ^_^ I promise to devote my gift to mankind…x.x Er, womankind, rather.

Okay, so I’m easily amused; sue me. I got off of school AND work, today; and as such, I’m cruising the internet and looking over past favorites of mine. You’d be surprised at the gems I found while digging through things I had only skimmed over, once before.

For instance, I’ve just started reading about an American guy who teaches English in Japan…And I’ve learned a few things (at least from their middle school perspective) about the country that would probably blow your mind. Yes, my mind is completely blown. But with that being said, there’s a lot of enjoyment out of reading this guy’s work; he has a sense of humor that I see runs parallel enough to my own to send me rolling about every other piece of work he puts down. I mean, I’m otaku in a bad way…But I know slim to nil of actual Japanese culture. Reading this- and I understand that every experience is different- sort of put a whole new spin on everything I knew (although…I don’t really expect college students or especially adults to play Kancho…>.<). And here he is: http://outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html

After poring over the tales of Kancho-dodging, I then moved on to a webpage with various re-enactments of movies that are oldies but are really, really fscking nice. Normally, this would either be a.) boring, or b.) really, really gay…But imagine that these re-enactments are done in 30 seconds. Also imagine, if you will, the possibility of these re-enactments being animated instead of performed by actual people. And to top it all off, imagine the stars, actors, and creatures of these re-enactments aren’t human. That’s right, not human. Instead, they’ve chosen another sort to pull the whole thing off to a slightly-amusing twist.

Bunnies. Enjoi. http://www.angryalien.com/

Eh…I guess some of you (and when I say ’some’, I mean the entirety of readers…Which probably amounts to about two or three people) are wondering why I’m being such a lazy bastard and tossing up links when I could be ranting about something or another. Well, I guess I’ll rant a little: I can be a frustrated, bitter person. I mean, I get upset over little things when compared to the problems a lot of other people have, sure, but when I have no money because it’s all being poured into college textbooks and when work or school feels like it’s consuming every last ounce of my free time in some way…Yeah, I get irked in a bad way. This irritation goes somewhere; ‘cuz if I bottled it deep inside…Well, I’d explode. And the people that have seen me explode have found that I am a very unpleasant person when the mood strikes me. ;-; So what is my output?

Mass fragging.

That’s right. The exhileration of sending my half-assed fleet in Ogame to a hapless, nigh-defenseless planet and ream them a new anal cavity. Or, even better, running around in Halo 2 and- you guessed it- mass fragging.

x.x Eh, I’m just feeling lazy, today…

..And then some din sum.

Hail teh conquering champions; and I’m referring to the Super Bowl. ^.^ Sorry, Seattle fans; I only rooted for the Steelers ‘cuz the Seahawks beat the Redskins…Although it’s a disappointment that New England didn’t quite make it, and ever since the Ravens lost to the Patriots a few years ago they’ve just gone downhill. ;-; I’m really not the biggest football fan ever; but I used to play for my old High School team, and I do enjoy a good game every once in a while.

Besides, they show the best commercials ever made during that time; and if you haven’t noticed this by now, you missed out. ;p Next year, look at some of the commercials during Super Bowl and try finding them anywhere else. Nine times out of ten, it just isn’t going to happen. XD

Aside from that, I can’t help but dread going to work, tomorrow. It’s not because I dislike my job, really; it’s because I’m never told in advance what the hell I’m going to do. >.< I always find out what I’m about to do right when I get there, and even then it seems as if my dad’s always asking others and bringing up things to do on a whim. I understand that I need a job to survive on my dorky passions, but y’know…I feel inadequate as hell when my dad has to find things for me to do right when we get there. This sort of thing should be planned out at least a day beforehand so I can at least anticipate what I’m doing. I know that it’s a bit different with some other jobs such as retail…But even then, when a person goes to work everyday they should know what they’re doing, right? I don’t know if I’m painting, or sampling wells, or scraping oil-soaked linoleum off of basement floors, or sucking up weeks-old decaying bird-flesh, or even cleaning up dye they use on chickens.

Yeah…You know Perdue, right? You know how they say how fresh their chicken is, right? However fresh it may be, you’re eating dyed chicken. = You thought all that juice on the bottom was random chicken-junk, didn’t you? If it wasn’t for the dye, the chicken you’d see packaged at Food Lion would be white and bloody…Yum-yum, right? The fact of the matter is, a lot of the crap we eat turns out to be dyed, including chicken. Beef, for example; do you really think beef is that red? = When you first cut off the hunk of warm flesh, maybe; but after a day or so in the ‘fridge/freezer it takes on a brown hue that looks a bit peculiar to those not accustomed to seeing it. My dad’s a deer hunter; that’s how I know, and believe me when I say that the redness of venison and beef aren’t that different (Sorry Eastern Buddhists/Hinduists/Vegetarians! ;-; Damn my carnivorous ways…). I’ll let you use your imagination with thinking of other examples…Although a universal hint is to imagine something fresh that’s left out for a few days…And then think of ways to make it look more appetizing. ;p Food companies have done that sort of thing for decades, although to their credit the FDA’s cracked down on the more serious cases. But since Red #9 and its other Dye-cousins are nontoxic to the human body, guess who’s dyeing? (Nyuk-nyuk…)

With that being said, I’m feeling grumpy. >.< I guess nobody should be too surprised at that. It’s a combination of things, really; the fact that I’m working tomorrow without really knowing what I’ll be doing, the fact that I have school to go to right afterwards…Maybe I’m just bitter because I think as much of the past as I do of the present. Yes, yes; I know the old axiom, “Those who live in the past, die in the present.” =( I have another: “Those who do not remember the mistakes of the past are doomed to repeat them.”

Now tell me, why am I making the same mistakes?

…If you say because I’m stupid, I will find you and thwack you. u.u

I guess I can’t feel too surprised that as soon as I feel spiffy, bad shit happens. No, seriously; after the night I’ve had, you’ll probably be doing what I did. That’s right…Dropping the almighty ‘WTF’?

Three random explosions from last post to this one; I could go on all day about all three, but in a nutshell I had a close friend of mine call me crazy on the internet, an old friend of mine called and asked for help because she couldn’t stop cutting herself, and I woke up this morning to find out that my grandma might have had a heart attack so my mom’s taking her to the hospital to check.

Yeah. WTF?

First, a rant: why in the hell don’t I hear other people complaining about shit like this? I mean, I’m not complaining about how this sort of thing only happens to me…But if it doesn’t then for the love of Christ, speak up people! >.< Geez,..I mean, it just seems like every time something really good happens to me, a plethora of bullcrap just does a giant roll on top of my chest! I’m not saying that other people have it worse; dear god, let’s not get into that conversation. I -know- a lot of other people have it worse than I do; that isn’t my point. My point is that it feels as if every time something really good happens in my life, it doesn’t take too long for equally irritating and/or depressing bullshit to follow it. I’m not saying I don’t have a decent life; hell, I know I have it pretty easy. It just feels like every pro is offset by a con that’s roughly equal in size. >.< I mean god damn it, Karma; throw me a friggin’ bone over here!

::Sigh:: Moving on the explosion #1…

I’m going to put it down on the record, ladies and gentlemen; not everything that’s going to come out of my mouth will be pleasant. I’m eighteen, and I’m a guy; I mean…It’s not like I’m going to be the most disgusting, perverted, male chauvinist pig you’ve ever met. But with that being said, I will occasionally bring up sex, or something sexual in nature. The instinctual urge to procreate is lodged in my medulla oblongata just like every other typical male, female and everything in-between (Hermaphrodites, transvestites and those who think they should have been born the opposite sex…Yeah, those peeps). When a very close, attractive friend legitimately has a problem with what I say, then I’ll strive to accommodate her. But when she says that I think about sex all the time, that’s when I feel a stern correction should be made. =3

…And I think that’s asinine. I also counted how many times I mentioned -anything- sexual in the total IM box in that same conversation, and I came up with a grand total of 3 times over a span of six hours. Also, looking back upon previous conversations I’m counting 0 times in a span of 3 hours, and 0 times in the span of 2 ½ hours. So…Yeah; first of all, sex is a part of life whether you’re eighteen or forty =p . Second, I want to know how mentioning sex once in a brief while is considered constantly, or all the time. I could understand if it was repetitive, again and again, to the extent where it’s the only topic we talk about…But hell, I’m pretty -light- on the naughty talk when it comes to casual conversation. X.x

So in the end, we got into a big argument…As usual. She said she’s done talking (even though we’re technically typing..x.x) with me, to have a nice life and lots of happy sex. u.u I tell her to go fsck herself, and then she tells me to go fsck myself and that I’m crazy. So now I’m being blocked; and I know I should be feeling…I dunno, depressed or something like that. But honestly, I felt numb then and mildly irked now. And for the record, no, mentioning something sexual three times a day isn’t immature. =\

I’m done talking about it. X.x

But soon after I get offline in a huff about that, I get a text message saying “Help me” from an old friend of mine. I get worried, call her up, and she starts talking about how the boyfriend she recently broke up with stopped by her house and chewed her out. Well, that wouldn’t be such a big deal if she wasn’t saying she was fscking insane and cutting herself over it. o.o She wasn’t slitting her wrists or anything, but she was…Cutting herself, and she said she couldn’t stop. Keep in mind that it was around 2:00 AM at this point, it had been going on for her since 8:00 PM, and she had only been able to get a hold of me, of all people. >.< Okay, honestly, what do I say to something like that? I’ve known this girl for about three or four years on and off, and I’ve never heard her do anything like this. I try and talk to her, telling her to call 911 or throw the knife away, or something…She said her battery was dying in her cell and that she’d try. x.x I was…Well, worried. Don’t get me wrong or anything, she isn’t a best friend or even a friend I speak with on a regular basis; but I guess I’m an empathetic person…Which means just thinking about sharp, pointy objects digging into my flesh…::Shivers:: >.< Gah…It’s even worse when I think about that sort of thing happening to anyone, even a sporadic friend.

On a positive note, she called back later and said that she managed to get a hold of someone who was able to stay with her and keep her under control until it blew over, that she was sorry for making me worry so much about her and that I helped out a lot more than I knew; I told her to use some Neosporin. Honestly…I don’t think I did anything more than anyone else who lived over an hour away with no gas and no money until next week could do, y’know? >.< Just…Tell her to stop hurting herself, suggest what she should do, and just be there to support her, I guess, even when it felt like my words weren’t doing a damn thing. X.x So yeah, last night could have been better.

Boom.

I wake up the next morning to find my little sister at my bed. >.< So I zip my pants up very inconspicuously underneath my blanket and find out that my grandma might have had a heart attack. When I say “might have” it means she had a lot of the symptoms of having a heart attack, but she isn’t sure exactly if she experienced one or not. So my mom took her to the hospital, and we’re still in the process of figuring out what the hell is going on. >.<;; She’s 60-some years old, and the fact that I don’t visit her nearly as much as I should makes me feel more than just a little guilty, y’know? ;-; I mean, she spoils the living hell out of my little sister and I whenever she sees us and I’d like her to see how incredibly awesome my kids will turn out, someday…Even though it’s sort of unlikely for that to happen. Her smoking really doesn’t help that, y’know? But…Gah, as apathetic and numb as I feel at this point, I really don’t want my grandma to go. >.< I’ve always told myself that I can always visit my grandmother later, that she won’t go anywhere…But when something like this happens, I feel the most profound mixture of guilt and self-directed anger. The two things…I would never want to die from are a heart attack and a stroke; which would make me horribly unlucky, considering those are how most people die of old age. >.<

Damn it, stem cell research…Hurry up! I’d like my family and I to cheat death a l’il! ;-;