The American Overclocked Otaku

Okay, so I lied; sue me. No, I didn’t put up anything worthwhile (even the pacman thing was a little stale, I think; maybe I’m just saying that because I watched it four or so times..). Actually, I didn’t do much of importance throughout the entire night aside from sleep. I looked up a site that actually explained what ‘emo’ is; I’ll have to post it later, because the picture on the main page is of this one singer (I assume he’s big in that particular music genre..) with his mouth…::Shudders:: Christ, that guy had a huge mouth. No, really…I can have a big mouth if I stretch it, but this guy was going to swallow the microphone he was yelling at. And the stand. So I didn’t stay there for too long.

I guess I’m just throwing a post on this just to kill time before class starts; it’s Accounting. I can get along with the teacher and the students well enough; I just don’t like the subject. I find accounting as fascinating as watching a rock grow, even though I need to pass it in order to get a degree in Computer Programming. I wouldn’t dislike it so much if the teacher had more than just four tests in the entire semester that accounted for 25% of my grade, each. Having quizzes and homework acting as a buffer would act as a pretty damned big plus, in my opinion…But that’s just me.

Time for school, kiddies. Later.

Starting with Pacman…

 Newgrounds presents: Chase ‘n’ Pac-Man

X3 Gonna continue for a good bit of the night with updates…

Ambition [8:30 P.M.]:  Man. You need a girl.
Ambition [8:30 P.M.]:  A wifey type, cus that’s obviously whatcha want.
Vagabond [8:31 P.M.]:  A wifey type, eh? =3 What makes you say that?
Ambition [8:32 P.M.]:  Man. If you wanted a fuck buddy, you’d have one.. you want “love” :: makes kissy noises. ::
Vagabond [8:32 P.M.]:  ::Laughs:: One that I wouldn’t have to worry about fucking the next guy behind my back, certainly.
Ambition [8:33 P.M.]:  See you like girls that you sleep with.
Ambition [8:33 P.M.]:  You’re emotional.
Vagabond [8:34 P.M.]:  ::Laughs:: I prefer the term ‘Romantic’. ^-^ When I think of ‘emotional’, I think of weepy emo-guys who wear eye-liner, paint their fingernails black and listen to bad music.

…Okay, so it wasn’t exactly wisdom; but having that sort of insight on my life from an online friend doesn’t exactly happen every day. And for the record, I’m really not against the emo genre; I’ve had emo friends, and have been attracted to emo chixxors. Actually, I’ve found that the chixxors can be a little nicer than most; a trait that only makes the sweet ones even sweeter. ^-^ So…Major plus.

At the moment, I’m surfin’ to find anything of-note to toss up on the site.. x.x If anyone who trips over this blog finds anything that’ll make me snicker, lemmie know.

..Please.

I’ve found that everything has a certain breaking point; a person’s emotions are no exception. This point varies, dependant upon where one “strikes”. Telling a man confident about his appearance that he looks abhorrent will have a different result than saying the same thing to someone who is insecure about their looks. Furthermore, it seems as if everyone reacts differently to what one might call “breaking”; some try to distract themselves, others get angry (just to toss a couple of examples out). When I become upset, depressed, overwhelmed, whatever, I find that a sudden lethargy grips me. A feeling of hopeless listlessness that is almost unshakable, no matter how I attempt to distract it. It makes sense, because lethargy typically leads to sleep for me, and I tend to feel almost…Rejuvinated after a good night’s sleep under most depressions (There’s only been one exception to that rule, I suppose). It doesn’t often get to that point, but that’s my “Defense Mechanism” for a breaking point in my emotions, whatever it may be.

I guess I’m spouting a bunch of bullshit to explain why I feel this way, now; an aquaintance who knew I had felt some attraction to before called me out of the blue this evening. She asks me how old I am, and sounds disappointed when I say I’m eighteen. She thought I was more around the lines of 21. I ask if she was just calling me to get me to buy alcohol for her, and she says no while hastily saying goodbye. I call up my cousin, Goose (That’s a recent nickname; of course, he has a friend named Maverick and I ended up being Iceman…I can’t help but notice the stack of alias’ stacked upon me…), and just confirm what I had figured already: yeah, she was trying to get alcohol. That, and she had sex for the first time last night. So I ask if I could come over, but Goose gets a beep and calls me back later telling me that this woman called up wanting to have sex with him, and was going to his house; I guess I couldn’t help but feel a little put-out by this. He asked if I wanted to come over and play the new Morrowind game he had gotten while he and this girl went out somewhere, but I said no. I’m not about to be a fifth wheel, I guess.

Why do I even care? I’m not so proud that I can’t admit jealousy; yes, I am envious of my cousin’s aptitude with the fairer sex. It sometimes feels as if he is always with the attractive women, even though I feel that I treat women better than he does. But with that being said, Goose and Allen (We haven’t picked out an alias for the latter, yet. x.x) are like the brothers I’ve never had; we’re related by marriage, but despite my occasionally turning green I care for them like I would care for any other sibling of mine. But that’s not the only thing that upsets me; it’s the fact that this girl calls me and only cares about how she can use me. It makes it painfully clear how little my feelings mean to her; that, and it makes me question what virtue I have. I’m not so pious as to think that I should wait until marriage to have sex; I think that’s a bit stupid, especially putting a committment towards someone who might be a terrible…Well, that and I think that practice makes perfect. But with that being said, I think sex is something that should be done in a serious relationship. Maybe I’m wrong when I think this, but I think that sex is infinitely more fulfilling when it’s done when loving another, instead of simply for the physical pleasure. But with all that’s said, I can’t help but feel anger at my own hypocrisy as I become jealous over someone who’s more able to get women to screw him than I.

I haven’t had sex in about two and a half years, now. I feel pitiful; embarassed over my ineptitude and constantly questioning what I’ve done wrong all this time. I’ve lost what respect I had for this girl, this acquaintance; it isn’t the fact that I haven’t made love to a woman in so long that upsets me, it’s the feeling that something about myself is undesirable.

I’m just fending off sleep enough to post this blog…I’d say I’ve been busy (which I have been) and couldn’t post in here, but I’d be lying. I guess I didn’t want to post for a good while because I’ve noticed how bitter, lonely, irritable, depressed, etc. I’ve been and how a person can slowly see this in every post. To be honest…I’m normally not like this at all. I mean, sure, I can be a bit nostalgic; but this is getting to the extent where it’s just plain annoying. So I’ve held off in the posts for a while, did my thing, and now I’m back (for better or worse…x.x).

On a few positive notes, I got a new job; a Waiter position in a decent restaurant that makes kick-ass calzones and cheese fries, among other things. I’ve been through two days of training (Which means a lot of watching and no tips, until I wait my own tables. >.<) and I can’t help but have a good feeling about this job. It’s not exactly easy, but I’ve found that I’ve a surprising knack for the position. The people I’ve worked with (The waitresses, cooks and dishwashers- there are no male servers, oddly) have been nicer than I could’ve imagined, and the vast majority of the management have been very understanding- with perhaps one exception that I’ll get to later. The pay sucks in comparison to what I’ve made in the past, but the tips recieved more than make up for it. One of the waitresses has joint custody of her child (I assume, of course; she mentioned she only has weekends to see her kid…It could also be a reference to the school schedule, for all I know) needs someone to help out on weekends- particularly Sundays- and has mentioned a fair amount of tips can be earned on those days. The job doesn’t have any benefits, but with the employee discount it really doesn’t need much: 20% off when I’m off the clock, and 50% off when I’m on the clock. Considering their food sorta rocks my socks, I can’t help but appreciate the position I’m in and the potential it has for me.

But, as with all jobs, it has its flaws. As minor as they are, and however much I can tolerate them, I simply can’t ignore two simple facts. One, the owner sees me as a potential liability (I think). It’s not because I’m not a hard worker or because I’ve been disrespectful, but because I lack significant experience in being a server. I can almost hear my father tell me “Welcome to the real world, [Ninshan]; get used to it, because they’re everywhere.”, but I can’t help but feel uncomfortable around the woman. I think that she’s probably doing whatever it is the owner of any company would do, and I don’t have anything personal against her; but I know that she’ll see me as insignificant or even a liability unless I make her establishment money, and a fair amount of it. When I tried to sit down for Lunch (Or, since I work nights, ‘Dinner’), she told me that she didn’t want me sitting down if there was something to be done while I’m training. …Damn, I’m still human, and I still need to eat, neh? She still wipes her ass the same as everyone else. But with all that’s said, I don’t want to disappoint her. I can’t help but feel some small bit of relief in the knowledge that she only shows up roughly twice a week.

The second flaw is the smoking. First of all, I don’t smoke. My mother, father, aunts, uncles and the vast majority of my family have been for most of my life (Several of these people have quit after a dozen times trying, including my parents. ^^; I’m kinda proud of them), but I’ve never tried it…No offense to the many who do smoke out there, but I think it smells kinda gross and is a bad habit. The thing is…The vast majority of the people I work with smoke. One of the managers smoked right in the middle of a closed room in my interview. I’m stuck going down to the smoking section every once in a while, and the smell down there -really- makes me uneasy about going there when it’s busy. Aside from my manager having no concept of second-hand smoke, I guess I can deal with the air pollution as long as it takes for me to make money; but when I get home, the scent of the stuff gets into my clothes. I took my shirt off and tossed it in the hamper to get washed two nights ago, and smelled my bare shoulder…And it’s like the smell of that stuff had been clinging to my flesh. So…Yeah, I’m disgusted, I’m nervous, and I’m going to start waiting my own tables starting this Sunday. Wish me luck.

If anything’s to be noticed on this blog, it’s that I’ve discovered how to slap HTML into it; which means gifs, pictures, and maybe even music- however uncertain I am about certain copyright laws. I wouldn’t mind putting some AC/DC up, amidst other things…But…Eh, if I put something up, the source will be so minimal and obscure that it’s free online without P2P anyways. End of story.

 Eh, this is just another way the Internet’s telling me how everybody’s getting some but me. Fun.

Okay, so I felt a little better after masturbation; maybe that says something. Irregardless, I bumped into something…Really fscked up.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hounen_Matsuri

A Japanese festival with everyday, upstanding citizens parading around a GIANT WOODEN PHALLUS THE SIZE OF a BATTERING RAM!!

Yeah; this is a random, explosive WTF moment of my life…Enjoi.

I can’t but feel nostalgic, tonight. I hate feeling this way because it feels as if I’ve been experiencing this emotion far too frequently over the past few months. It’s hard to explain, really; one second I’m typing away, and then I begin to go bored out of my skull, and then I sigh and wistfully mill over my past and my future. Never my present, though; I guess the present isn’t so interesting. If it was, I’d be less nostalgic and more anxious in any case. I’m not Manic-Depressive; hell, I’m pretty sure there’d be more serious signs if that were the case. Maybe it’s because I don’t like the way my life is now and there really isn’t much I can do about it. That’d explain the depression, anyways; it’s just a matter of waiting until I’m able to do something about the situation I’m in.

Oh, as for the job trouble? I got it covered. I’m going in for an interview this Friday for Guido’s. It’s a restaurant that makes pizza, calzone, pasta, cheese fries, etc. Normally, I’d be surprised given that I have no experience in working in a restaurant; but believe me, I’m not complaining. I guess I’m looking forward to being a waiter; I’d like to think that this gives me quite the resume. Lawn and Garden Expert, to Construction Worker, to Environmental Technician, to Waiter. What else is stands between me and a possible Computer Programming job? Who knows?

It’s funny, how altruistic I was when I was younger. I was hoping that I’d be a doctor, a lawyer, an astonomer…Someone vital, someone who would be remembered years after my death. Being the heathen agnostic bastard that I am, I can’t help but feel a certainty that there is no afterlife; and as such, I possess an almost unhealthy fear of death. The thought of dying, rotting underneath six feet of earth under a gravestone- a feeble tribute to the life I lived- terrifies me. Sorrow hits me when I wonder how many generations with visit my grave and picture the life I lived. Two generations? Three, at the most? Will my future children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren even care about who I am, who I was, when I’ve become nothing but rot? When will I become just another anonymous grave, forgotten by my descendants? When will the writing on the granite wear away and erase the only record of who I ever was? Am I the only one who feels this subtle fear, the fear of nonexistance? I guess that’s the trouble with being a realistic agnostic; questioning religion means questioning the only explaination of what occurs after death, beyond the rot and decay of one’s physical form.

Eh…I’m too young to be concerned. But I do have one thing to say…

>.<!! Support Stem Cell Research, now! I’d like to cheat death, sometime in the next half-century or so! And I’m sure I’m not teh only one!

…Oh; on a positive note, having a job means it’s very possible that I’ll be going to Otakon this year…Woot. x.n;

Well, I’m done my class about an hour and a half early. Surprise-surprise, huh? x.x So I’m more or less wasting my time and typing away on my blog for the next half-hour or so in the hopes of doing what I might not be able to do online at home. >.< Somehow my parents don’t see how having three ITS classes means that I’ll be going online on a very regular basis- particularly when these classes are hybrids.

In either case, I slept last night. That should be a given, but I slept about eleven hours last night; from 7PM to 6AM. As refreshing as it was, and however much I enjoy sleep, I can’t help but notice how much of a friggin’ waste of time it is! I mean…I could have done so much last night, and I wasted it on unconsciousness! >.< There’s no way sleep’s only taking up 1/3 of my life. No friggin’ way; I’d notice if there were 2/3′ds left. Nope…I’d daresay that sleep is cutting a nice, happy slice for itself, and leaving me with just a little over half of my day to eat, drink, go to the bathroom, do my homework, wish I could afford more anime/video games/Magic: the Gathering, etc.

Oh, and while we’re on that topic, I’m currently looking for another job. ^^; No, I didn’t quit or get fired; my dad just hasn’t been able to find any work for me to do at TPH. That, and he keeps getting sent to job sites in Delaware, so I’m tight on cash once again. On a positive note, though, I’ve sent in six applications within the past few days, and am going off to grab about six more over the next few days. Yeah, maybe I could grab for more; but with midterms just around the corner, I’m studyin’ my butt off and I’m not about to do terribly in school (And possibly get thrown out x.x) because I need more money. ‘Cuz I do. >.<

Eh, I also can’t help but notice how my blahness is even reflecting in this blog post. o.o; No, really; either I’m going to slowly turn into a weepy emo-kid or I get my ass in gear, get a job, and enjoy the otaku-like pleasures of life. What sucks the most, though, is that I’m also trying to save up for this year’s Otakon. That’s about an hour or so drive each day it happens, and that’s only because I’m fairly certain that the hotels are going to fill up a whole hell of a lot quicker than I can reserve and/or pay for a room. My cousin’s going, too; so maybe I’ll ask him to pay for the hotel room, whilst I pay for food, gas, and/or the pre-registration passes. Granted, my previous memories of Otakon aren’t exactly fond ones (Long story. >.<), it’d be nice to finally drink Ramenade and fuel a pocky-addiction (The whipped double-fudge kinds…Yummeh! ^^). That, and I’m finally old enough to watch the naughty stuff they show (Even though I’ve heard of how a 16-year-old friend of mine and her boyfriend managed to sneak in on one). Hell, if I could manage buying a massive amount of anime and getting into the Halo 2/Super Smash Bros. Tournaments, I’d be happy. To be honest, despite the mass amount of the fairer sex who will A.) could easily be dressed into skimpy uniforms and B.) are very likely to have interests that run similar to mine, I guess I just can’t get my hopes up. As weird as it sounds and although I do enjoy a sexual aspect to my relationships, I’m just sick of falling in love and having to worry about my significant other screwing around on me. I mean…Hell, it’s a terrible feeling. ‘Nuff said.

So, from here on in I’ll be the biggest penny-pinching bastard the world’s ever seen; every dollar, ever quarter, and every available cent is going to be dumped into my Otakon fund. Hell, if I have to sell Lemonade or have a yard sale, I’ll do it; and a job won’t be too far from happening (I hope! ^^;; ). Until then, I’m stuck abstaining from every other hobby I have that’ll leech off my wallet.

…x.x This is going to be harder than I thought…

For the record, I’ve played video games since I was about three or so years old. The ol’ NES; Final Fantasy, Super Mario Bros. (1 - 3. ^^), Double Dragon, The Legend of Zelda, Bayou Billy…The Game Genie and the endless secrets found in every nook and cranny of that 8-bit system. I never really touched the SNES; I was sort of upgraded to the Sega Genesis. From there it became a vicious cycle; Sonic the Hedgehog (1 - Knuckles, Spinball and 3D! ^^;; ), Vectorman, Earthworm Jim, Streets of Rage and Jurassic Park. Playstation and its Final Fantasy 7, its plethora of games that led up to my current system of Playstation 2 (and hopefully Playstation 3 in the near-future), although I tossed in a bit of Gamecube and Xbox.

So…Yeah, I’ll almost certainly retain my addiction to Halo 2, Super Smash Bros. Melee and Resident Evil 4 (GAWD, I love that game..), I just can’t shake the sheer nostalgia I feel for the oldies. I own a SNES that I fire up every now and then, and play the bejeezus out of the Super Mario Bros. Collection…I’m not that great with the original, but I’m quite the badass in Mario 2 and 3! ^^;; I bought Sega’s Sonic Collection + for the PS2 as soon as I could…Although unlocking the games in it’s a pain in my butt, it gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling that has nothing to do with sex. Hell, I still have two NES’ at my grandma’s and even even have a few NES/SNES emulators on my laptop…Chrono Trigger and The Magic of Scheherazade (My two personal favorites).

Eh…Maybe I’m just feeling nostalgic for the days when I was just a bit more innocent. When I really didn’t have to worry about anything else except schoolwork and how to kill Dr. Robotnik’s latest creation (Or Bowser…Whichever works). I’ve noticed that I tend to be a very nostalgic person; that the past is somehow made to seem better than the present, in my eyes. I don’t really mean for this to happen; I would be lying if I were to say that I don’t appreciate my current situation right now, despite the various speedbumps (I’m hitting one about every tenth of a mile or so…).

Eh…I’m tired. On a good note, there’s a new 8-Bit Theatre flash video out. ^^; The bad news is that dial-up’s being a l’il bastard when it comes to playing it.

For those who can watch it before me: http://uploads.ungrounded.net/content.php?id=285899&name=285899_8_Bit_Theater_Part_5.swf&title=8-Bit%20Theater%20Part%205&date=1141621200&quality=b&uj=0&w=480&h=270

Tell me how it goes. ;-;