The American Overclocked Otaku

I really don’t know how I’m awake right now. Or rather, I really don’t know how I’ve been awake for the past three hours. I’m not a morning person, and unless it’s for work the law is that Tom sleeps in. Period.

Speaking of the law, it’s a good thing I wasn’t having/giving much in the way of oral sex around 1999. Then I’d be an outlaw! ~.^ When an employee- my assistant manager, actually- told me that both giving and recieving anal and oral sex was illegal in Maryland, I had to investigate. So, after much in the way of searching, I’m happy to announce that it’s legal to have as much oral and anal sex as one wants in Maryland. While I consider my rump to be an exit only, one can only imagine the relief I felt. ;p However, there are still states where one can be fined or jailed heavily for putting a certain portion of the male anatomy where it wasn’t meant to go.

Seriously. That just blows my mind.

While I haven’t gotten much in the way of oral sex lately, I think it’s a little rediculous. A $2,000 fine and/or a whole year in jail for a blowjob in Alabama? Up to fifteen years in jail for…Well…Y’know…In Michigan? Dubya-Tee-Eff!? >.< So, I have taken upon myself to make the beginning portion of my blog a public service announcement to the oral/anal-frenzied people who read this. T-T You know who you are.

For those of you who are orally/anally fixated (Once again, you know who you are! T.T!), here is a compiled and up-to-date list of the “Do not Slurp” states. For the many that aren’t American…Eh, I’m too lazy to provide anything. Just look up Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.com) and search for “Sodomy Laws”. You’ll get a fairly accurate list.

Alabama — All sodomy acts illegal - affects only unmarried couples Penalty = (1 year/$2,000)
Florida — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (60 days/$500)
Idaho — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (5 years to life)
Kansas — Same-Sex sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (6 months/$1,000)
Louisiana — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (5 years/$2,000)
Michigan — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty =(15 years)
Mississippi — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (10 years)
North Carolina — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (10 years/discretionary fine)
Oklahoma — Same-Sex sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (10 years)
South Carolina — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (5 years/$500)
Texas –Same-Sex sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = ($500)
Utah — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (6 months/$1,000)
Virginia — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (1-5 years)

But do you know what blows my mind even more? The fact that at last week’s FNM, the guy sitting right next to me gets a first-pick Avatar of Woe, second-pick Lim-Dul, and a third-pick Akroma. And then he grabs two Knight of the Holy Nimbus’. Again, I proclaim to the world: Dubya-Tee-Eff!? =(

The good news is, of course, that I beat his ass like nobody’s business. I’d have made first or second, if I hadn’t gotten a draw the first game; but considering how I won 2-0 against a deck with Woe/Lim-Dul/Akroma/Nimbus without him getting a mana screw made me feel pretty damn good. =3 You hear me, Zack!? Teh curse is still on!

Zack: I play Avatar of Woe.
Tom: …’Kay.
Zack: I attack. It has fear.
Tom: I play Assassinate. Avatar of Woe is destroyed.
Zack: ::Cries:: (No, he didn’t really cry. But I’m pretty sure I made him cry on the inside..)

Tom: I play Flowstone Channeler.
Zack: I play Lim-Dul the Necromancer.
Tom: I pay three, tapping Flowstone Channeler and targeting Lim-Dul.
Zack: Uh…Okay. Thanks.
Tom: No Problem. I Flashback Strangling Soot. Lim-Dul is destroyed.
Zack: ;-; I hate you. (He didn’t say that either. But once more, he was thinkin’ it…)

Tom: I play a morphed creature.
(And what would’ve happened if he had managed to play Akroma..)
Zack: I play Akroma, Angel of Wrath. I beat you down for six.
Tom: I flip Vesuvan Shapeshifter, targeting Akroma, Angel of Wrath.
Zack: …”Kay…
Tom: It becomes a copy of Akroma.
Zack: … …’Kay…
Tom: …It becomes a copy of a legendary creature.
Akroma and Akroma Copy: ::Boom::

…Okay, so that was my long, drawn-out boast. I put it here because I can only rub it in his face so much. <.< I can promise that I’ve made worse mistakes (Just don’t mention ‘Blood Funnel’ to anyone at Aardvark’s when I’m around, ‘kay? ;-; ), but I’d like to hope that this is a sign that I might just do better when draft-time rolls around. =)

…Or maybe not. Who knows? (Final Fantasy X pun here…)