Ookay…Updates…
Well, in the time it took to finally fill out a blog post, I’ve lost at a Magic: the Gathering regionals, fell deeply in love, got my heart broken on my birthday, had a really shitty birthday because of it, got a raise, am almost due for another raise, slacked off on College, laughed, cried, shouted in anger and sighed in depression. Oh, and did I mention that I’m getting stalked by two people? x.X Yeah…Craziness, ‘07. Right hurr.
I’m going to go see the new Harry Potter movie tomorrow, but first, a rant. I’m still pissed. It’s been less then a month, so I guess it’s natural, but I’m still livid. I guess it’s because I give so fscking much in matters of the heart, and it’s all for nothing. Every hope, every happiness, every moment is a waste. A complete, and utter fscking waste. And y’know…I’m a patient guy. I’m extremely patient, when I need to be (Even though I never WANT to be..). I can be patient until it hurts- and I was. I tried, she didn’t. And now its over. And anybody who doesn’t know what I’m talking about isn’t about to, anytime soon. >.<
But…Yeah, I’m really on the verge of something. I don’t know exactly what, though. I’m still in love, but it hurts too much now, and it’s twisting into something else. It’s becoming easier to get angry then to be patient. It’s become more convenient to hate and break a person down then love and build them up. I find myself hating the very person that I loved, and a part of me wants to viciously tear her heart apart like she broke mine. Vindictive, perhaps, but I know there would be deep, intoxicating satisfaction in that act. I want to tear her down and build her up at the same time. I want to hold her as much as I want to throw her away. And in this midst of this hurricane of emotions…I don’t like who I’m becoming. I’m not like this; vindictive perhaps, but not a wretched man filled with hatred.
Two things spurred this: love lost (Obviously) and an asshole customer that I didn’t even meet- at least, I didn’t see him when he became a jerk.
I’ve been working at Subway for over 11 months. In that time, I tend to be…Cheerful, even when I don’t feel like it. I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback…But y’know, this is the first time I’ve heard about anything negative. Apparently, one day when I wasn’t in at work, some dick in a weird outfit comes in and asks “Is the big, dorky blonde guy in today?” Brenda and Shawan sort of look at each other and ask, “..Tom?”. So apparently, the guy thinks I talk too much. He started imitating me; according to Brenda and Shawan (Who I’m a little upset with because they didn’t stick up for me..u.u), he sounded just like me. And that really steamed my vegetables for a while; no, really, I was really quiet. Granted, I should count myself lucky if through my almost-a-year in Subway I only get one complaint from an asshole customer who’s too gutless to say this to my face…But still, all of this just really bugs me. It gets to me, and it’s really hard to get crap like this out of my head. I shouldn’t expect everyone to like me…But nowadays, it feels like no one really does anymore. =(
