The American Overclocked Otaku

Yeah. It snowed. It’s still snowing, kinda, and one or two inches are expected for throughout the night. This means potential good and bad- granted, I enjoy waking up to a winter wonderland when I wake up, but on a day off I prefer to have my family go off to work instead of berate me on what chores they think I should be doing, instead. Y’know, like cleaning my room. Or going to the dump, or something other then sleep in on a much-needed sleeping in day. Maybe I shouldn’t be so resentful about any member of my family staying home when I do, but each one tends to give me nothing but stress if we’re in any one place for too long; my dad pokes fun at me (In an annoying way) and embarasses me with the whole perverted comments thing, my mom nitpicks about what I should do on a day off, and my little sister either becomes completely oblivious when I want to be left alone or gets dismissive when I ask if she’d like to do something that doesn’t involve running off and buying things. Bleh.

In other news, my classes are officially in. Four classes (12 credits) make me a full-time student, which covers me under my dad’s insurance and actually took quite a burden off my chest. Considering one class is web-based and the other is a class I’ve taken before, it’s likely that I’ll only need to get two books- and even if I need to get three, I’ll have the money to cover it with tomorrow’s paycheck. It’ll be two ITS classes, an english class and a communications class- and y’know, I’m feeling enthusiastic about this semester. Which, granted, is in itself strange considering how my enthusiasm lapses with my interest in any given subject. But when I do good this semester, I think it’ll really give myself a much-needed kick in the ass with College. I still hate buying the books, but I guess I’ll get over it. =) It’s a long-term investment for my future career, right?

Magic: the Gathering’s doing better; I’m doing what I can to get to know the newer players ever since the change-up (Oddly, none of the ‘professional’ players aside from an awesome Judge, Jeff, has arrived…I don’t think I miss most of them at all. =) Except for Zach and Co. naturally), and I’m really doing my best not to rip them off. No, seriously; most newbies at Magic get ripped off when the first start. They tend to think a card is a bomb when it isn’t, and vice-versa. All kidding aside, I tend to rip off newbies who I either don’t think I’ll be seeing for months on end, or if they don’t ask for my help. o.O One can go on forever about morality and how if anyone knew they’d never trade with me…But let’s be realistic, here: as long as a person’s reasonably consistant in their appearance or I’m helping them out with a deck idea, I’m probably not only going to help them but make sure they get decent trades on the people they -do- trade with. And on the off-chance I ever become a judge, that sort of status would probably stop the ripping altogether.

It’s a pretty piss-poor attempt at morality, but I’m stickin’ to it. =) And I’d like to think that I’m genuinely helpful. Besides, I missed the Planar Chaos pre-release. =( That makes for a sad Tommy.

On another disappointing note, I have no one to root for in the Super Bowl. The team I normally root for (Redskins) has long since been kicked out of the playoffs, and my secondary team (Patriots) were knocked off this evening by the Colts. =( Kinda sucks, to be honest; the Patriots are a lot less conservative in plays then the Redskins, and that’s what I like about ‘em. It’s going to be Bears v. Colts, and I expect the Bears to win just because they smeared the Saints more then the Colts pulled a victory out of its ass (Sorry, Chase. ^^; ). I’m off work that day and I’ll be watching anyways…But not really for the game, although it’ll be a good one. The commercials on the Super Bowl make up for it all. =D

And…I got to go to the bathroom, which means this post is getting cut short. =( Maybe another time..

Yep, it’s that time kiddies. It’s time for a good, old fashioned rant from yours truly. It takes a lot to get me good and talkative, and my mother dearest deserves what I put down here, believe me.

Things irk me about my family; whether it’s my mother, father, sister, grandmother, aunts, uncles, or cousins, there’s always at least one situation that gets each participant frustrated with each other. Furthermore, plug in anyone else in that situation and there’s almost irritation. I’ll give a perfect example: the Internet. I have dial-up, and I hate it with a sheer, unadulterated passion. I hate it worse than mushrooms, or an ice-cold toilet seat. It isn’t because it’s terribly slow or prone to kicking me offline, although that contributes heavily enough; it’s because Dial-up ties up the phone lines. This in itself isn’t problematic- I and my father both have cell phones. The problem is that my mother is paranoid about her mother (i.e. my grandmother); and I say this with all seriousness, because I can understand the love of a son to his mother. And really, just to put it down on the record, I love my family. Durka-jihad. And my mother loves my grandmother. The problem therein lies with this: she thinks that my tying up the phone with my internet exploits prevents anyone from calling in an emergency- when there are two cell phones kept on at all times in the house! In her mind, my Grandmother shouldn’t need to learn these phone numbers; but really, yes she should! Either she should, or my parents should put money into getting faster internet that doesn’t use the phone lines up.

The funny thing is, that isn’t even it, either.

Let’s make a scenario; Person A needs to use the phone, while Tom is online. Here’s what happens when Person A is my dad:

Dad: Hey Tommy? Can I use the phone real quick?
Tom: Sure, Dad; I just need a few minutes, please?
Dad: Oh, all right; let me know when you’re done, okay?
Tom: Okay.
::Tom finishes up::
Tom: Okay, Dad; I’m off.
Dad: Thanks.
::Dad finishes up::
Dad: Okay, Tommy; you can go back on, now.
Tom: Thanks, Dad.

See how pleasant that was? He asked a question, knew that the phone wasn’t going to grow legs and run away at any second and was patient. I was more than happy to get offline because of how he asked me and let me do my thing.

Now, let’s put Mother Dearest as Person A.

Mom: Tommy, get offline!
Tom: Okay, Mom; I just need a few minutes to-
Mom: You have three seconds!
Tom: Mom, I just need to do this real quick, it won’t hurt just to-
Mom: What, so I need to ask your permission to use my phone?
Tom: No, I don’t think I need your permission to use the phone, but it isn’t asking much to-

And then my mom unplugs my telephone line.

Ignorant, asinine, hard-headed and completely rude; just because the phone line is hers doesn’t mean she has to be such a snot about it. What’s worse is that I was playing in a sanctioned draft online that I was winning when my mother unplugged the line. Meaning that my score fell just a l’il bit more.

My point is that some people piss me off on a regular basis. One of those people just happen to be my mom. u.u

I’m a fscking coward.

Among the Christmas presents I’ve gotten, my parents bought me a really nice watch. I normally don’t wear watches, but this one was freakin’ awesome; the trouble was, it needed to be adjusted. So I go to a nearby jewelers and I end up being helped by a woman who’s simply…Beautiful. I turn in my watch to get adjusted and we just start talking. No awkward silence or idle chitchat one would toss towards any other stranger, but we actually had a fscking conversation. >.< I mean…I don’t mean to blow this out of proportion, but for those few minutes we talked a bit about how busy we were during the holidays, how I worked a few stores down at Subway, how Gamestop managed to forget putting a few games in the cases we bought (We got the games for ‘em the day afterwards, in either case. n.n), and how in the hell something like that could happen.

She’s not only gorgeous, but she loves video games. ;-; She’s one of the women that are far and few in-between who both love video games and don’t seem to have something mentally wrong with them.

I’m a coward because I didn’t even ask her out; but really, how can one approach a woman one just met and ask them if she’d like to go out sometime after a conversation? In every job I’ve been in, the women I’ve worked with have been hit on nearly every day. Some customers practically stalk these poor women, and from my perspective it’s always pathetic; I almost feel as sorry for the guy asking the woman out as I feel like laughing at him being the fifth or six guy to do it since I’ve been there. And here I am in the wake of my hypocrisy, wanting to ask an intriguing woman if there’s any way I could see her again while unwilling to make myself into just another man who had been hitting on her that day in her eyes. The only thing that rivals my anger and disgust towards myself for not simply being a fool and asking her out is the keenest sense of loneliness that accompanies it.

Bleh…At least my watch fits me perfectly, now. Thanks Stephanie (The one who isn’t my boss. Or once my employee. Or any other Stephanie that I otherwise know. Srsly. u.u). =)

Yeah, Gamestop pretty much took a big dump on my Christmas.

I say so because on Christmas Day, with all of the pretty lights on the tree and the presents arranged perfectly, two of the games didn’t even have anything in them; no manuels, no games, nothing. Worse, my mom lost the receipt! >.< It was a pretty big disappointment, although my dad, my little sister and I all went to Gamestop and got the games we needed. Apparantly, it was easy to tell because we had the ‘display cases’…So he didn’t need any receipt. Or any proof, really.

I was so on the verge of spilling all the good stuff on the games I got…But I’m tired and, therefore, grumpy. Expect a synopsis tomorrow. =)

My grandma’s staying the night, and I’m pretty much stuffed. Considering how it’s the night before the climax of all this waiting around for stuff, it isn’t too surprising that I’m mentally awake despite how my body’s in need of sleep. I’m excited, really; it turns out that there are some things I know I’m getting, and a few more things that leave me baffled. When it comes to Christmas, it isn’t just about getting stuff for free or even having an ample opportunity to get something for those you care about without much explaining. And despite the theological date in reference to Christianity, it isn’t even about the death of Christ- at least, it isn’t for me. For me, Christmas is about family and loved ones and touching them in the metaphorical sense. And while one might point out how money is the root of all evil and that presents paired with St. Nick don’t make Christmas, or that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus…Honestly? If someone not only put thought, time and effort into getting me a present, but also made it a surprise? It’d really…Touch me (for a lack of a better, non-metaphorical term) in a way that I’d really want to share. From my family to those I really care about in some degree or another, that surprise mingled with such deep sincerity’s something I can’t help but want to give to others.

I can honestly say without stupid altruism or bitch-like ass-kissing that despite how annoying they can be, anyone would be hard-pressed to match the love I have for my family. From my annoying little sister, to my pervert of a father, to my frustrating mother and hard-headed grandmother, sometimes I wonder why they put up with a guy like me. I’m lazy, procrastinating, and disrespectful and damn-near arrogant at times, even when I don’t mean to be. I really don’t have much in the way of friends, and the friends that I do have I never keep in contact with. And if it wasn’t for those mentioned before, my aunt, uncle and cousins I could say with complete confidence that my life would be much emptier, much lonelier then I think I could stand. Days like this remind me that whether or not they bought me presents doesn’t matter, so much as the simple fact that they did think of me when they bought them. And as much as I bitch about my little sister being the “Golden Child” (And as much animosity I feel when I think I’m getting the short end of the stick in comparison to her), I don’t know what I would do without any of them to help me through this hectic world.

I’m normally not the sort who bares his emotions, especially not on some blog. More often then not I express my frustrations through an irate rant or a smartass point of view; one could blame this on both my lack of social life and complete lack of affection. I haven’t had a girlfriend in years because I don’t want to be with anyone I couldn’t relate to or who repulses me, and my family’s the only people in the world who’ve been worried. I couldn’t tell you how many times in how many ways I’ve disappointed them in one way or the other, mostly because there’ve been times when I have and they’ve bitten their bottom lips (That’s a SMIB Expression…’Southern Maryland In-Bred’. Get it? =3). I just hope that after College, after I get my life together and kick my ass into gear that they’ll be proud of me.

Meh…What an emo post; but I’m not sad, so much as I’m happy to be with the people I really care about this Christmas. All I need now is an intriguing, adorable girlfriend and plenty of affection to make up for lost time. ~.^ Maybe one of these days…

Jack-in-the-Box (Source: www.Wikipedia.com): A jack-in-the-box is a children’s toy that outwardly consists of a box with a crank. When the crank is turned, it plays out a melody, often Pop Goes the Weasel. At the end of the tune, the lid pops open and a figure of some sort, usually a clown, pops out of the box.

A Dump-in-the-Box is pretty much my unimaginitive phrase for saying something is shitty. Where a jack-in-the-box has a song and some tension involved, a dump-in-the-box is exactly that: a steaming pile of crap in a box. Probably cardboard. For example, the fact that even if I go to sleep -now- I’ll get less than eight hours before I have to go to work again? That’s a dump-in-the-box. The fact that I have no social life? Another dump-in-a-box. That after my sleepless work tomorrow I’ll have to watch the Redskins lose to the Eagles again, and then trudge off to be the back of my family by helping cart giant logs and split them for firewood next year because my dad’s OCD over having an almost-excessive amount of wood- to the point of irking me?

Oh, yeah. Massive dump-in-the-box.

The good news is that I get paid, tomorrow. Considering Christmas is in a scant two weeks and most of my presents have already been bought and given, I should be able to save the Moolah- despite my dorky hobbies. Woo. =D

And then just touch me.
Until I get my
Satisfaction. <.<;

Well, it seems that once more my friday is shat upon by my work. I ask for one evening off a week, and am willing to work all others; but of all days, I need to work this evening. To add insult to injury, it’s from 5pm - 8pm…Aardvark’s starts at 6. =(

Okay, so it’s very unlikely that my manager purposely did this (Actually, she’s really nice. n.n As stated a half-dozen times before), but it just irks me how I need to work a mere 3 hours on the only day when I can really play competitively in Magic teh Gathering (Aside from online; but let’s face it, real-life kicks online’s ass anyday). I don’t have much of a life, damn it, and it’d be nice if I can keep what’s left of it that I can, when I can. > = (

This sort of thing’s happened a lot, before. Normally it wouldn’t bother me as much as it does now, but last Friday (Which I was able to attend and nailed 2nd Place. =D Go me.) the owner of Aardvarks told me that the line-up for Aardvark’s was changing slightly. Apparantly- and I’ve noticed this, too- it feels almost intimidating for new players to get into the format via drafts or paid t2 tournies. And, really, he’s right; I haven’t been playing anyone new for quite some time. So, there will be free t2 tournaments with prizes n’ all every Friday, with a Draft once a month. I’m a little wary of this, but according to Mike (The owner) the other stores have tried it out and found an increased interest of new players in the game.

What kinda incensed me is when he asked me to teach the newer players who would participate in the game when I could, every Friday. And, well, to be honest it’d be something I’d enjoy very much. Granted, I tend to geek out when I see someone do something I would never have done (Or worse, not do something I’d have definately done)…But, well, if I can keep that under wraps I think I’d enjoy it very much. Either way, unless I get let out a bit earlier- which is unlikely- there’s very little chance I’ll be able to attend.

Meh…Maybe next week.

It’s 1:51 AM. I’ve been wanting to post for a good hour now, but I’ve nothing worth posting!

So, tomorrow I’ll post something. Probably. =)

Meh…I really don’t feel like going to work today. I mean, I know I had yesterday off; but that doesn’t mean I’m particularly thrilled over the prospect of hopping back into it. But with that being said, I’ve been getting a lot more hours as of late. That’s pretty good, considering how I’ve been trying to save up my paychecks (Or trying to!). My next day off is Friday, which means Aardvark’s and FNM. With the amount of drafting I’ve been doing online, I’m not worried about doing poorly; but what I am worried about is hearing how almost nobody’s been coming on Fridays. Eh, I’ll believe -that- when I see it. =x

Christmas is finally coming around the corner, which is good and bad in a weird sort of way. It’s good in the respect that I hope to get a bunch of stuff from my family, but it’s kinda sad. Not only due to the fact that my entire year feels wasted, but just because it’s a year I’ll never experience, again. Looking back, in just 365 days I’ve been an Environmental Technician, a waiter, and finally the Sandwich Artist I am, today. I’ve seen crazy people in Baltimore, worried about my grandma having a heart attack (she didn’t ^-^) and bombed my Accounting class (While, oddly, still passing it. =D Awesome teacher). My truck broke down, I’ve elaborated on the specifics of foreskin, I’ve gone through my “Onion Phase” and I’ve been irritable from lack of sleep at least several dozen times. I’ve gotten games, anime, and rare Magic: the Gathering cards…But no girlfriend. x.X

I’d like to say that I’ve learned a lot this year. I’d love to say that I’m a much better person than I was a year ago. But really…Nothing feels different. I’m still single, I’m still a dork, and I still go to Aardvark’s every Friday that I’m able. I still begrudgingly go to work, I still love to sleep in, and I still play Ogame and Vendetta.

I guess this is a bit of reflection on my part…But I suppose I shouldn’t expect myself to change, even in a year; it’s what I learned and experienced that matter most. =3 I’ll make another post tonight. Maybe.

I really don’t know how I’m awake right now. Or rather, I really don’t know how I’ve been awake for the past three hours. I’m not a morning person, and unless it’s for work the law is that Tom sleeps in. Period.

Speaking of the law, it’s a good thing I wasn’t having/giving much in the way of oral sex around 1999. Then I’d be an outlaw! ~.^ When an employee- my assistant manager, actually- told me that both giving and recieving anal and oral sex was illegal in Maryland, I had to investigate. So, after much in the way of searching, I’m happy to announce that it’s legal to have as much oral and anal sex as one wants in Maryland. While I consider my rump to be an exit only, one can only imagine the relief I felt. ;p However, there are still states where one can be fined or jailed heavily for putting a certain portion of the male anatomy where it wasn’t meant to go.

Seriously. That just blows my mind.

While I haven’t gotten much in the way of oral sex lately, I think it’s a little rediculous. A $2,000 fine and/or a whole year in jail for a blowjob in Alabama? Up to fifteen years in jail for…Well…Y’know…In Michigan? Dubya-Tee-Eff!? >.< So, I have taken upon myself to make the beginning portion of my blog a public service announcement to the oral/anal-frenzied people who read this. T-T You know who you are.

For those of you who are orally/anally fixated (Once again, you know who you are! T.T!), here is a compiled and up-to-date list of the “Do not Slurp” states. For the many that aren’t American…Eh, I’m too lazy to provide anything. Just look up Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.com) and search for “Sodomy Laws”. You’ll get a fairly accurate list.

Alabama — All sodomy acts illegal - affects only unmarried couples Penalty = (1 year/$2,000)
Florida — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (60 days/$500)
Idaho — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (5 years to life)
Kansas — Same-Sex sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (6 months/$1,000)
Louisiana — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (5 years/$2,000)
Michigan — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty =(15 years)
Mississippi — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (10 years)
North Carolina — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (10 years/discretionary fine)
Oklahoma — Same-Sex sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (10 years)
South Carolina — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (5 years/$500)
Texas –Same-Sex sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = ($500)
Utah — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (6 months/$1,000)
Virginia — All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (1-5 years)

But do you know what blows my mind even more? The fact that at last week’s FNM, the guy sitting right next to me gets a first-pick Avatar of Woe, second-pick Lim-Dul, and a third-pick Akroma. And then he grabs two Knight of the Holy Nimbus’. Again, I proclaim to the world: Dubya-Tee-Eff!? =(

The good news is, of course, that I beat his ass like nobody’s business. I’d have made first or second, if I hadn’t gotten a draw the first game; but considering how I won 2-0 against a deck with Woe/Lim-Dul/Akroma/Nimbus without him getting a mana screw made me feel pretty damn good. =3 You hear me, Zack!? Teh curse is still on!

Zack: I play Avatar of Woe.
Tom: …’Kay.
Zack: I attack. It has fear.
Tom: I play Assassinate. Avatar of Woe is destroyed.
Zack: ::Cries:: (No, he didn’t really cry. But I’m pretty sure I made him cry on the inside..)

Tom: I play Flowstone Channeler.
Zack: I play Lim-Dul the Necromancer.
Tom: I pay three, tapping Flowstone Channeler and targeting Lim-Dul.
Zack: Uh…Okay. Thanks.
Tom: No Problem. I Flashback Strangling Soot. Lim-Dul is destroyed.
Zack: ;-; I hate you. (He didn’t say that either. But once more, he was thinkin’ it…)

Tom: I play a morphed creature.
(And what would’ve happened if he had managed to play Akroma..)
Zack: I play Akroma, Angel of Wrath. I beat you down for six.
Tom: I flip Vesuvan Shapeshifter, targeting Akroma, Angel of Wrath.
Zack: …”Kay…
Tom: It becomes a copy of Akroma.
Zack: … …’Kay…
Tom: …It becomes a copy of a legendary creature.
Akroma and Akroma Copy: ::Boom::

…Okay, so that was my long, drawn-out boast. I put it here because I can only rub it in his face so much. <.< I can promise that I’ve made worse mistakes (Just don’t mention ‘Blood Funnel’ to anyone at Aardvark’s when I’m around, ‘kay? ;-; ), but I’d like to hope that this is a sign that I might just do better when draft-time rolls around. =)

…Or maybe not. Who knows? (Final Fantasy X pun here…)