First of all, I haven’t put a blog in, in about two weeks or so. >.< Between my slacking off, RP, video games, crazy family and Turkey Day, I’ve been busy. For the few individuals who would possibly care, if any, my bad. x.x
I’m feeling more depressed than a goth on his birthday. I guess it’s nothing incredibly major; just several minor things that have slowly accumulated to the point where I feel as if I’m being attacked by midgets and they’re starting a dogpile. I guess there are plenty of other people doing a lot worse than I am now, and when I look at their blogs I’ll feel a whole hell of a lot better…But damn it, I’m putting my feelings down now while I still feel like a big, steaming pile of guano.
For now, I’m gonna gripe about college. Yes, my parents are paying for it ‘cuz my $9 per hour paycheck won’t cut it when I go to college for three days out of the week, and my work is closed on the weekends; but they tack on the fact that I need to get “Good grades” if I want them to keep paying for it.
Let’s recap my three current teachers, shall we?
I go to Introduction to Statistics on Monday and Wednesday; my teacher is Mr. Zhao. Mr. Zhao is a nice person, and I think he could teach well enough except for two minor problems: first, English doesn’t seem to be his primary language, because there are times when he makes…Mistakes. Second, his left eye…Either doesn’t work, or is fake, because it’s lazy as all hell. I’m not going to hold his physical imperfections against the guy, ‘cuz I sure in hell ain’t perfect; but then I always have difficulty putting the things I learn in his class into perspective with something I could use in my life. Yes, sigma divided by mu times the square root of the x-bar would equal the solution to the problem, but what does it have to do with my major in Computer Programming? I would say I’m going to get about a C average in the class, just because math is the only subject I suck at.
The funny thing, though, is that the class I’m supposed to ace is the class I’m doing the worst in. Composition and Rhetoric, hosted by our good friend Mr. Kane. Mr. Kane is funny, intelligent, and always thinks outside the box. I can’t count the number of times he’s put me into a new perspective that I wouldn’t have even noticed, otherwise. The problem is that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing wrong with my paper until I turn the thing in, and by then it’s too late. The past two assignments (technically three, although he’s allowing us to redo our first one for a better grade) have earned me D’s, over simple things like “Not directly putting the topics from the thesis statement at the beginning of the paragraph” or making a well-written paper that to him looks more like an objective analysis rather than a comparison and contrast. I’m PRAYING that I’ll get at least a C, although it’s very possible my final grade’ll end up as a D.
And last, but certainly not least, there’s Mr. Rose in my ITS 1015 class. Hell, that’s the class I think I’m doing the best in, and I can’t help but feel I’m letting him down. That’s probably because I am; I feel like I’m slacking off in his class all the time, and he’s just too nice of a guy to cut my grade’s head off. But I’m doing a hell of a lot better, and as long as I do well in the rest of the given assignments, I’m pretty sure I’m going to get a B. Hell, if I didn’t feel like I was doing absolutely nothing and feeling like a lazy bastard, I’d consider this a positive thing.
Maybe it’s because I’ve taken a step back and looked at where my life was going, and where it would go if I screw this up…College, I mean. If I don’t keep my grades up, I’ll never get transferred after my two years here; and this doesn’t even begin to get into the lecturing, the lack of support and the general crap I’ll be getting from my parents. I’m not going to be an Environmental Technician for the rest of my life…There’s no way in hell that I’m going to get my dad’s job. But my parents have said more than once that they’ll throw me out if I don’t get good grades and pay my bills; and in their eyes, even having a C “Isn’t even trying”. Damn it, I *am* trying! >.< I’m trying as hard as I can, and I’m not stupid, either.
I’m not even going to elaborate on the military, even though it’ll be my only option aside from poverty if I screw this up. I don’t like being yelled at, I’m not the most physical of people (Although I’ll kick yer arse if ya pick a fight with me. n.n), and although I’m a crack-shot with every gun I’ve used (I give credit to my dad being a deer-hunter for that) I don’t exactly relish the thought of shooting anyone. But I’d rather go to Iraq than be a disappointment to my family. But…For now, I’m going to concentrate on busting my butt in college; if I can at least get through this semester and get into the next where most of the classes will be computer programming, things will be a lot more convenient.
Maybe I’m all depressed over my grades because Mr. Zhao’s giving a test today and I barely studied; all I know is that I don’t think pie’s gonna cut it, this time…
